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Nitpicking - March 2009

Ok, here it is… step by step for you and all that come to your site:

1. stop being angry
2. stop being angry
3. stop being angry
4. stop being angry
5. stop being angry
6. stop being angry
7. stop being angry
8. stop being angry
9. stop being angry
10. stop being angry

The reason that you are angry is the problem, not your anger in itself. Your anger is telling you something about who you are and that is ‘incapable’ – you think yourself incapable of getting ahead!!

You THINK yourself incapable of being ahead.

Why? You know why: when you were a little girl you let yourself get lost one day catching the bus home… you were blamed for being incapable of this thing, this getting home, and so now you are. Your home on a spiritual level – where your soul is leading you – is wealth, yet you are not capable of getting to this home right now.


Tell yourself now that you made a mistake. That you are capable of getting home and you do it every single day…. Every single day you get yourself home from work. You did also every single day get yourself home from school. You got yourself home from the pub, from shopping, from eating out with friends. You get yourself back to your home town whenever you need to and you get yourself out to the gym, the swimming pool, the park whenever you want to. You get yourself around the place without too much drama. Yet on this one day you were blamed for getting yourself lost – you were not capable of getting home on that day. You did in the end, people helped you get home and people got you home on the right bus… in the end you got home. Yet that little space of drama is where you are still stuck……………………………

Who is really angry? Are you angry with yourself for getting lost? Is your mother angry with you for getting lost? Your aunty - because you didn’t turn up when they thought you should? Where were you? Had someone taken you? Did you get hit by a car? Did you not see the bus stop and has someone taken advantage of you? Are you on the wrong bus?


They were worried about you. You knew where you were and what you had to do. You did the right thing by telling the bus driver that you missed your stop and he put you back onto another bus and even told that bus driver where to let you off. You were fine. Your mother was worried. She is fine now. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?

You are here. Now. WITH GOD. I AM SHOWING YOU THAT YOU ARE ANGRY WITH YOURSELF – YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE GOT LOST THAT DAY BECAUSE YOU UPSET EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOURSELF ONCE YOU GOT HOME AND REALISED THAT EVERYONE WAS ANGRY WITH YOU.

EVEN THOUGH YOU CAME THROUGH, YOU ARE STILL LOST.

You are lost because no-one gave you the chance to prove yourself – I did. They were angry because you just should't have been allowed to get home by yourself - you obviously couldn't do it. They didn't say 'all's well that ends well'. They were angry and upset and worried.

I gave you this opportunity to show you that even if you seem lost you know where you are and that you know what to do. I gave you this because I knew that you would one day be lost again and you would need to know what to do. You see what to do and then take action. You will ask for help and you will need to know that I am with you – setting everything up for you so that you can know yourself more clearly than before.

You can know that by setting up your business you are with ME - everyone will be there to point you in the right direction once more. To show you where you need to be and even to take you there if there's no other way.

You will know that even though you feel lost right now you are on the right track because you are turning to me and ask for the way home - you are asking for answers and receiving them. To your wealth you will go, if you let yourself this time. Just as you did when you were a little girl – you let yourself find your way home by taking action and speaking up. How will I get home? I will ask the bus driver to help me!

But since then that anger which overwhelmed you when you eventually got home has overcome you. You have just stayed still, scarred now of letting yourself step out and do something alone – without your mother, without protection - what if you are wrong? You told your mother that it was the right bus, and it was, but then you missed the stop and froze only for a moment before taking action. But you cannot seem to let go because you think that people will be upset with you again. They will be. They are already and someone will always be angry with you for something - the man on the street, the grocer, your mother... and yet you don’t need to rely on this now you are a grown woman, and you need to step out alone and get lost again, alone.

And this time you will know intrinsically that everything will be ok and you will get lost and you will find yourself again. And you will get lost again and you will find yourself again. You don’t need to be safe, as your mother does. She needs you to care for yourself and you are doing this in your way – by getting lost and finding yourself again.

Your Friend,
God.
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Wealth and Joy

March 24th 2009 01:42
Ok, I have real problems with this world. Apart from all my catholic church-aimed anger I also wonder why it is that we need to live in ways that make us unhappy.

So many people have great ideas about creating, building and sustaining their own lives but they can’t act on them – we’re told that we need to do this and that and be appropriate and not step outside the square… just in case something goes wrong – after all, we can’t all have it our own way can we. But in reality – God reality (as I see not, not in a religious kind of way) – we actually do have all the tools and skills that we need – the problem is that we can’t see them.

We have been indoctrinated into thinking that only the ‘few’ can have money, wealth, happiness, joy in their lives and they have to give something up in order to get it – actually we have support if we choose it, we have space if we can see it and we have joy if we know where to reach for it. If we want to build our own business for example, we are told that we need to fight and struggle – and mostly we do – why is this???? What’s gone so wrong that we can’t even find space for our own desires, dreams and let fear play out instead. It’s common that people going into business go bankrupt, give it up too soon or just don’t get anywhere – how has this happened?

We claim individuality, we claim girl power, we even claim God but somehow we simply haven’t been able to claim our own lives…

I don’t get it. Though I think a good example of all this is the way that my mother raised me to say that I should never have to do anything that I don’t want to do, but also told me that I could never be more than a secretary – ‘what else could you do?’ were her exact words – strange that so many years later I am still infuriated by that and still unable to move away from it… it’s stuck!! I’m trying to build my own business but I’m also completely stuck in Admin work that that really, really, really don’t want to do – even though I can and it pays the bills.

I actually believe that I shouldn’t have to work in any way to get my business up and running, there should be substantial funds for me to access that will help me. But there is no support, without debt. And with debt comes anxiety – our society is built on money anxiety – it’s no wonder people don’t want to step out and be independent!!!!

What’s the way around this?? My anger stops me from moving in almost every direction. If I’m angry then I can’t have/build money because I’m incapable of moving forward – I’m just angry. This is infuriating in itself because anger builds more anger and anger limits my capacity to think outside and square and create a buiness that will thrive and provide an important service

Moreover, anger is debilitating – I can’t get anything done because the unseen anger under the surface stops me in very unconscious ways – “what’ the point?”

I don’t get this world at all. It’s depressing. I believe one thing and another plays out in my life. How do I dig up that anger that lies beneath my belief that we can actually have all the success that we choose – maybe that’s it – am I not choosing to have wealth but to have anger instead?

If so, how do I change it? How do I stop being anger and start being wealthy, successful, happy?

God, here’s a questions for you… tell the world how we stop being angry and start being wealthy??????????????????

I’ll let you know the answer I get……
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Anger

March 10th 2009 01:49

I think the problem with anger is that it is so intertwined with sadness most of us can't pull ourselves out of it and make life what we actually want it to be...

I say this because there's a lot of things going on in my life that seem to be inextricably linked to sadness that just can't be defined....

Anger rises because the sadness is sitting there undissolved by my attention to it...

I'm not sure how to approach this but it seems to me that until it is approached I will just be angry that my life isn't the way I want it to be - abundant: money, love, money...

I'm sure that most of this inability to look and dissolve comes from an upbringing where my mother was completely unavailable emotionally to myself, my father and my siblings. She just didn't know what emotions were - or what to do with them. When we wanted comfort she stepped away... not that she was uncaring at all, far from it, but she really didn't know what to do with our feelings of being hurt or being sad or just needing a little comfort or support... she could nurture us physically but not emotionally or even mentally – her need to be recognized did not allow other opinions in the household at all…she struggled with this intensely and whilst I do my best to say that I'm not like her(!) I am it seems...

Sometimes we need to go back to our roots to get to the bottom of the issue, but this seems incredibly hard hence my inability to approach it before now. It's funny how writing something like this can really unravel those thoughts so that you find a way into it...

I see now that the issue is not so much my inability to speak out about how I feel but to look a little further at how my mother interacted with my emotions, and how this taught me to shut them off also. I doubt that there is any real blame underlying all this... I'm just angry with my life and hence want to turn the blame to someone else - like my mother. But then this doesn't mean that she didn't play a part in it either. She did...

How is it that we are not taught to be a little more emotive about life. There are so many up and downs that occur for all of us, yet we struggle to make anything of it. Just hit the streets of Sydney and you'll see how many angry people there really are out there - mostly I would say, like me, who can't define what they feel so they turn it on themselves and rage comes pouring out...

It's obscene really. But then again I can't hide my anger any more - it just comes pouring out too - because it needs to. I need to see it...

Of course, this doesn't justify hurting anyone else in any way, but it does allow me to express something that's been bottled up for a long time. And I'm talking here about snapping at people, telling people to 'do it themselves' and basically trying to define my boundaries. This shouldn't be something that is expressed through anger, but it should be something that's allowed to be expressed from day one of our lives. We are each individuals who will experience life very differently but somehow we are told that we need to experience the life that everyone else does – often this is to not look within but to consume instead: consume life, consume things, consume our emotions and ultimately be consumed by all of this so that we are completely helpless, hopeless and unable to function in a happy and productive way….

In this respect some of us wind up living on the streets, and others simply live life devoid of joy, success, hope or relationships with others that are emotionally free and joyous… like most of mind have been…

The point of all this yarning above is to say that really we think we are at the top of the pile but we aren’t, we human beings have a great deal to learn about what life is and how to engage with it rather than being enraged by it…

In the meantime, I need to sit down with my own emotions and have a round table discussion with them in order to find out the best path forward…And I think the way to do that is to settle myself somewhere comfortable and allow my emotions to speak to me no matter what they say, and to listen because they have control right now and I don’t like what they are saying to me.



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God

March 6th 2009 03:47
I seem to think that God blames me for many things that have gone wrong in my life. The trouble growing up with a catholic mother I think...she always thought to blame me when something went wrong in her life - God cursed her with a child who was not worthy of acceptance or perhaps even love because I didn't conform with societies or religious ideals - no sex before marriage, no abortion, no clothing that was too revealing... not that I even had to do these things to be a disappointment to her I just had to accept that they were a part of society - and, more importantly, that people had free choice. She didn't believe in free choice - she believed in communicating what the priest had told her was most important for you - to be consciously limited and unsure of yourself!!

This is how I grew up - being told not to think for myself but to assess everything based on what she thought - I supposed that's how she grew up too. I don't see the point in living like this, the problem is that I do. As I said in yesterday's post I don't really see how angry I am because I was told my whole life not to think about myself but to present a happy, elegant, conforming image of myself so as not to rock the boat - who's boat I don't know. I'm guessing my mother's. She seemed to have a image of the world as being a place of judgment. I guess that this came from the church - God is judging you right now so you'd better just do what he wants. But who's to say what 'He' wants - I doubt very much that the priests she wanted to impress had any fucking idea what it was like to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a daughter for that matter


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Acceptance

March 5th 2009 06:05
Yesterday I had a thought about myself that changed the way I think about everything. It seems to be that many things have been left behind as I tried to fit in with society. .. the thought was that I am not who I say I am but who I act as - this is not the way I think of myself at all. It's very telling that we act in particular ways that defy our notions of ourselves. I wonder who we are trying to kid!

The idea is that we are all trying to be someone good and worthy yet our actions are angry and thoughtless many times a day. Have we simply stopped thinking about who we are and what we do because we don't want to admit that maybe we aren't 'good' at all, but rather we are just these beings trying to get through life - struggling in other words. So the question is, how do we ground ourselves and come back to seeing ourselves clearly. The question only has one answer as far as I can tell - to struggle some more!! I don't know that this is a particularly useful way of looking at my issues with myself, but there you have it... one more struggle to overcome before I can be myself... whatever that may be


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